“The Narcissist’s Prayer”
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, it wasn’t my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
-Danya Craig

Sounds a bit like apologists defending the old testament god, doesn’t it? And the pervasive culture of misogyny, sexual abuse, and protection of hierarchical power imbalances that persists in christianity today all has it’s roots in the narcissistic god of the old testament. Christianity is intrinsically tied to imperialism, colonialism, slavery, and patriarchy because of power dynamics in ancient times of “might makes right.” This also explains some of the modern day religious right being so beholden to obvious-non-christian Donald Trump. In all of this, the centrality of one’s own power over others is paramount, and why christianity (and many other religions) attract so many narcissistic personalities. 

Old testament god can be a bit of a bear (like when he called bears to eat children because they made bald jokes, get it?), and even in my conservative upbringing people were aware of this, although in the 90s that was all sort of waved away with a vague reference of “but Jesus” as if that makes being pro-slavery an okay stance to take. Whoops, slavery is a bad example because the apostle Paul is totally cool with slavery in the new testament, too. Genocide then. Or child sacrifice. Old testament god was a big fan of child sacrifice, until cultural changes in other religions made the practice fall out of favor, so then old testament god got woke and ruled out child sacrifice (to keep up with the other gods, you see. Not because humans wrote the bible for social control). Except, god had kind of already promised to sacrifice his own son, so we still get John 3:16 which is about child sacrifice. And all of these concepts are tied up heavily in traditions of passover, in which Israelites were spared from the angel of death killing their firstborns, only the Egyptians’ firstborns had to die, because of unconditional love (and firstborn here implies sons, obviously, right, I know I don’t need to clarify that females in bible times only serve as property, but just in case you forgot). And modern christianity is wildly anti-semitic, so those Judaic cultural tidbits get lost over time. Luther and other protestant reformers heavily blamed the Jews for killing Jesus, and modern christians support Israel only in the idea that it will bring about Ragnarok, sorry, Judgement Day and then the Jews will convert to christianity or burn in hell eternally, which, is not actually supportive or tolerant of Judaism at all. Fun!  

I’ve lost the plot. Oh yeah, old testament god (who is the same entity as Jesus) was a narcissist. Demanding child sacrifice as a test for someone who he did not allow children for nearly 100 years, multiple genocides, torturing Job (and his family, but they were mostly property so we don’t really think of them beyond plot points), and even the Garden of Eden story in which god “gifts” his perfect creation with a perfect garden with a trick fruit tree in the middle. It’s preposterous. A friend who throws a party and invites all their friends to the backyard barbecue and gives everyone gifts but one person instead gets smallpox. And all of their ancestors also get it. That’s not a friend, that’s a psychopath. And then the gaslighting that follows is the classic abuse model, as laid out poetically in “The Narcissist’s Prayer” above. Old testament god says everything he does is perfect and right and beyond reproach, and everything you do is terrible and disgusting and deserves punishment forever. And just a fun fact, human morality has ruled that punishing others (i.e. civilians) for someone else’s crime is in fact a war crime, so the perfect all loving god has less morals than the flawed humans he created. It just never has made any sense. 

But in spite of that not making sense, it is still around. And the reason it attracts homophobes, transphobes, western chauvinists, and authoritarians is because some crazy how god is still the hero of the bible. He’s the good guy. The guy with multiple genocides, the jealous guy who constantly throws petty tests of loyalty in his followers’ faces. The guy who says to cut the babies out of their mothers’ wombs if they aren’t the proper race. So, narcissism and abuse is interwoven into christianity (and other abrahamic religions) because old testament god is abusive and is not ever held to account for that. It obviously will attract other abusers then, because the system is designed for abuse. And I think we overuse narcissism in our modern culture. Everyone who is selfish from time to time is not necessarily a narcissist. A narcissist is a diagnostic personality disorder based on a different myth, so like, that’s problematic in its own right. Not every christian is a narcissist, and all narcissists are not christian. But. The religious system within christianity is supportive of narcissistic abusers, and so narcissistic abusers will find their way to the system to take advantage of the power imbalances inherent in it. So, at the holiday gathering when you see your uncle defending a known rapist (the catholic church, Donald Trump, etc) it might not mean your uncle is a narcissist, but it does show that narcissistic abuse doesn’t bother your uncle. Or christianity in general. Probably forever and ever, amen, unfortunately.